Overcome Parental Frustration With EFT Tapping
EFT Tapping When Your Teenage Child Shuts Down
In this article, you will learn about what parental frustration is, and how to overcome that frustration when your teenage child shuts down, with Emotional Freedom Techniques. The EFT Tapping for parental frustration has proven to be an effective alternative therapy to help parents overcome this unpleasant feeling.
It's not easy writing this, admitting that I get frustrated as a parent and go through my own myriad of emotions.
I want to do the best for my child and yet there are times when I loose it or feel inadequate.
While I have the understanding that my teenage son is going through his own challenges and my aim is to be supportive, it does not stop me from being human.
What really gets me, is when he shuts down and withdraws his energy from me.
I know he is doing this because something is going on for him and yet it does not stop me feeling that it is about me.
My immediate impulse is to reach out to him and find out what is wrong but this causes him to withdraw even more.
It makes me feel sad and isolated. I love him so much and I just want the best for him.
At times like this, I like to take time out for myself and tap out my own frustrations and trauma which gives him the space to come out of his shell when he is ready.
WHAT IS PARENTAL FRUSTRATION?
Parenting is a challenging work that continuously presents new problems. There are days when we are frustrated and feel like a failure, and we allow these feelings to define who we are and who our children are without seeing the bigger picture.
When you're raising a child, you're certain to experience parental frustration. You devote nearly all of your time, money, and energy to raising your child, and it is sometimes insufficient. It's natural for parents to become frustrated from time to time.
However, if you are unable to effectively manage your frustration, you may find that it has a bad impact on your child upbringing.
If their children become unresponsive, their parents are prone to become frustrated. If you constantly send negative energies to your children, though, it can be harmful to your connection.
When your rage starts to flare, try to move away. Children aren't the only ones who benefit from timeouts. When I'm particularly agitated, I take a break until I've calmed down and am able to deal with the matter rationally.
However, there may be circumstances in which you must act fast and decisively.
What is most important at this time is for you to give your teenager some space so that you can both work things out within yourself and with each other.
When it comes to teenagers, one of the most important things is to give them space. Their lives are fragile at any given time, and they require some breathing room to deal with their responsibilities.
“We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.”
- ward beecher
REASONS YOU ARE BEING SHUT DOWN BY YOUR TEENAGE CHILD
Being shunned by a teen is a painful experience.
When you try to strike up a conversation, do you get one-word answers and blank stares? Is your teen giving you the silent treatment? Are you curious as to why?
Here are a few common reasons why your teenager is shutting you out.
1.
They're under a lot of stress:
Today's teenagers are under more stress than we've ever known. The pressures on them to perform are immense.
Full sports schedules, hours of nightly homework, mandatory advanced placement classes, performing arts, community service hours, and part-time employment weigh heavily on teenagers. Add in the social demands and awkward teenage changes.
Every aspect of a teen's existence puts pressure on them. If your kid sees you as a source of stress rather than a source of support, they'll lock the door and seek cover.
Advice:
Show empathy for the stress they are experiencing. Make every effort to comprehend it. If they're having trouble at school, say something like, "How can I help you?" or "What can we do about it?" so they know you're available to help.
2.
They believe they are being misunderstood:
They've been pushed to the margins. Everyone tells them what to do and treats them with contempt.
When I was in their world, one of the most common complaints I heard from teenagers was that grownups didn't listen to them. They believe that no one understands them or cares to learn about them.
Adults frequently feel we understand teenagers because we were were teenagers. But it's a risky assumption. Not only is each individual distinct, but the environment has changed as well.
Advice:
Assume you don't know anything. Gather as much information as possible. Ask a lot of questions and avoid telling them what they should do. When their buddies come around, talk to them. Back off if your teenagers start giving you frigid, one-word answers. They are most likely feeling interrogated. All that implies is that you'll have to take things a little more slowly.
3.
They're fed up with being micromanaged:
As adults, we wish to protect them from our blunders. As a result, we are eager to correct them when they make a mistake.
They feel overwhelmed because they perceive it as constant criticism. This is made worse by the fact that they are already considering divorcing their parents. It makes them feel as though they'll never be able to achieve anything properly in your sight.
Advice:
Allow them to make some mistakes without judging them. Allow them to take a breather. Give them numerous things about them that make you proud for every critique.
4.
They have the impression that you haven't followed through:
When promises are made but not kept, it is a great disappointment. You become untrustworthy and unreliable when it becomes a pattern. It pains them, so they build barriers to protect themselves.
Advice:
Apologize for previous disappointments. Keep your promises going ahead. Always follow through with your plans. One maintained promise at a time, you'll be able to win them back.
5.
They believe you are the source of instability:
The teenage years bring a lot of changes. The wide breadth of changes is unsettling, including everything from the body to feelings and friendships. Teenagers experience a great deal of insecurity. They will want to be somewhere else if their home is a source of anxiety and worry.
Advice:
Do everything you can to make your home a secure environment.
The good news is through, you can calm yourself and your emotions, process it, and give your teenage child space, with clinically proven therapeutic techniques like Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT).
New to EFT? Learn how Emotional Freedom Technique Tapping heals.
Emotional Freedom Techniques (tapping) is clinically proven to lower stress, tension, anxiety, past-trauma to enable health, happiness and vitality.
LEARN HOW EFT HEALS
Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is arguably one of the most effective therapeutic methods available today! EFT is a stress-relieving technique that is used by millions of people all over the world.
EFT Tapping for overcoming parental stress when your teenager shut down is a scientifically validated treatment modality.
Because parents experience this unpleasant feeling on a daily basis, tapping can help them relieve tension and relax their nerves.
EFT Tapping is also simple to use and has a long-term effect. This approach also assists you in becoming more aware of your emotions and removing negativity from your mind and body.
Here is my tapping script for overcoming frustration in the face of shut down. This script will work whether you have a similar challenge with your teenager, a parent or even a spouse or partner.
When you love someone you just want the best for them.
Round 1:
Karate Chop:
Even though I’m so frustrated that my child is shutting me out and I just want to help him and don’t know how to get through to him, I love and accept myself (3 times).
Eyebrow:
I am so frustrated.
side of the eye:
My child has shut me out.
Under The Eye:
I just want to help him/her.
Under The Nose:
I’ve been through teenage years.
chin:
I know how it feels.
collarbone:
He/ She is so closed up.
Under The Arm:
Closed so tight like a shell.
thumb:
I know better.
Index Finger:
I can help.
middle Finger:
Why does he/she not trust me?
Little Finger:
If only they would open up.
Closing Sequence (Karate Chop):
Even though I get frustrated when my child shuts me out I am open to the possibility of loving myself anyway.
Breathe in and out and take a sip of water
Round 2:
Karate Chop:
Even though I am stressed out because I want to help my child, but he wont' let me and I understand that he needs to be left alone and I choose to trust my child’s abilities and my ability as a parent, (3 times).
Eyebrow:
I'm so stressed out.
side of the eye:
I am frustrated.
Under The Eye:
I feel like an on looker.
Under The Nose:
I know how to help.
chin:
I wish he would trust me.
collarbone:
I just want to help.
Under The Arm:
I trust his/ her abilities.
thumb:
But I can’t leave him alone.
Index Finger:
I need to communicate.
middle Finger:
And this behavior is frustrating me.
Little Finger:
I am just stressing myself out.
top of the head:
I choose to breathe now (breathe in and out while tapping).
Closing Sequence (Karate Chop):
Even though I am stressing myself out, suppose somehow I could relax and trust in me and him.
Breathe in and out and take a sip of water
Round 3:
Karate Chop:
Even though I would only like to help and I would like to take a step back, and my love for my child won’t let me I love and accept myself.
Eyebrow:
I only want to help.
side of the eye:
He won’t let me.
Under The Eye:
What if I could help myself?
Under The Nose:
I know they will get through this stage.
chin:
What if I could take a step back?
collarbone:
What if I could let him be?
Under The Arm:
What if I could show support from the sidelines?
thumb:
I don’t need to interfere to help.
Index Finger:
I can do it by just cutting my stress out.
middle Finger:
May be if they get a free hand, they might make better decisions.
Little Finger:
I can show them support without being over bearing.
top of the head:
Suppose somehow they find a solution to their problem without my support, I am so grateful to have a teenager.
Closing Sequence (Karate Chop):
Even though I can be over-bearing, what if i gave him and me the space to be and trust that things will work out for the highest and best.
Breathe in and out and take a sip of water
Round 4:
Karate Chop:
Even though I really love him, what if I could give him and me the space to heal and not take it personally and whole heartedly love and accept myself.
Eyebrow:
I am allowing myself to love myself.
side of the eye:
What if I could take the time for me?
Under The Eye:
Suppose I can trust that this is what is meant to be.
Under The Nose:
Not taking it personally.
chin:
Letting him/ her find their way.
collarbone:
Letting me find my way.
Under The Arm:
I love getting the space for me.
thumb:
I am sorry for all the ways I have shut down to me.
Index Finger:
I am grateful to my son for teaching me patience.
middle Finger:
I love being able to feel good in myself.
Little Finger:
I am here for him and I am here for me.
top of the head:
I love myself for giving me the space.
Closing Sequence (Karate Chop):
Even though I was frustrated, that was then and this is now, I am grateful for having giving both of us the space to be ourselves and I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Breathe in and out and take a sip of water
Believe me when I say that this isn't easy—but the benefits are definitely worth the effort. What you're attempting to do is create the chance for an open conversation with your child and to assist her in gaining insight.
You want her to develop superior problem-solving abilities that she can apply as an adult. Keep in mind that communicating takes time.
The ultimate goal is for your child to be able to look herself in the eyes, accept responsibility for her choices, and discover healthy ways to connect with others.
So in closing, my learning is to be kind to myself and to give my son the space to find his way. To trust that all is well and how it is meant to be.
Keep Tapping!
Love,
Donita (a work in progress mom)
P.S. Want to discover if EFT is right for you? Book a Complimentary Discovery Call.
How To Self-Heal & Become An EFT Practitioner
Discover how EFT Tapping can help you to self-heal or to become professionally qualified as a Certified EFT Practitioner. Emotional Freedom Techniques (Tapping) is clinically proven to lower stress, tension, anxiety, past trauma to enable health, happiness and vitality.
In summary, while it may seem very frustrating when your teenage child shuts down, it is possible to overcome it. Teenage is a very delicate period of a kid's lifetime. No matter how frustrated a parent may feel, and no matter how much stress you and your teen are through, things can and will improve with adequate care and support. Consider trying EFT Tapping since it will allow you to get rid of the distressing thoughts that you are going through. Take your time and do what you think is best for child, as and when you're ready.
References:
- Don't bottle up your emotions- It'll knock years off your life and raise cancer risk by 70 percent - The daily mail UK, article by Pat Hagan
- The link between cancer and unexpressed anger - Psycho-oncology
- Tantrum Tapping - Blog, How important is energy? 3 daily exercises to boost yours
- Generalized anxiety disorder – The Mayo clinic
- Cortisol and anxiety reference - The Effect of Emotional Freedom Techniques on Stress Biochemistry: A Randomized Controlled Trial, Church Dawson PhD *Yount, Garret PhD†; Brooks, Audrey J. PhD‡ Journal of Nervous & Mental Disease
- Psychological Trauma in Veterans using EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques): A Randomized Controlled Trial, Church, Hawk, Brooks et. al.
- Forgiveness – your health depends on it, John Hopkins Institute
Disclaimer: The information on this website is purely for educational purposes and does not in any way replace the requirement for medical and psychological diagnosis and treatment. Please do seek professional medical and psychological diagnosis and advice for all medical and mental health conditions. It is advised to always book any consultations with qualified professionals.
Learn Emotional Freedom Techniques for self-healing or to become professionally qualified - More
Our other seminars:
For the full calendar of events.
Other Tapping Protocols you may be interested in:
