Why Do People Get Angry And How To Handle Anger With EFT Tapping?
Anger With EFT Tapping
In this article, you will learn about what anger is, what are its effects and the reasons behind it. You will be introduced to the Emotional Freedom Technique to avoid the outburst and handle your anger issues.
The Story of the Student, the Coffin and Nails!
I recall a story of a Wise Master. He asked one of his students to hammer a metal nail into a wooden coffin each time he got angry. The student obeyed and each time he found himself flaring up, he would beat a nail into the coffin.
After a few weeks, the coffin was covered in nails. The student approached the Wise Master with the coffin, showing him how it had been blanketed in the metal spokes.
Then, the Wise Master instructed the student to remove one nail every time he showed forgiveness and forgave himself. The student followed these instructions and after many weeks, the coffin was free of nails.
The student once again approached the Wise Master with the coffin, this time to show him how entirely it was covered in holes.
“How do you feel,” asked the Wise Master to the student. “I feel much lighter,” the student replied. “But you see,” said the Wise Master, “the coffin still has holes.
Each time you were angry, you broke the coffin a little. Now that you have forgiven yourself, the coffin is no longer hurting; yet, its wounds still stay.”
Anger leaves an indelible mark. No matter how sorry you are, the scars of your actions will remain. This is why prevention is better than cure.
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else. You are the one who gets burned."
- BUDDHA
what is anger?
Anger is a reaction to being hurt, or disappointed. It is a strong emotion that you experience when anything goes wrong or when someone wrongs you.
Stress, frustration, and irritation are common feelings associated with anger. It is a defence mechanism of the ego in times of threat.
Whatever the spark, anger is an overpowering, sometimes debilitating emotional response to a situation not turning out to be what you would like.
I’m sure you too have been angry at some point in your life. Anger is a natural emotion. It is something that everyone experiences from time to time.
I do not think someone can go an entire lifetime without once flaring up at something or someone.
Anger only becomes a problem when it is displayed excessively and begins to affect your daily functioning and interpersonal relationships. Anger can range in intensity from mild irritation to outright wrath.
It can be excessive or illogical at times. It can be difficult to keep your emotions in check in certain situations, which may lead you to act in ways you wouldn't normally act.
In daily life, it manifests as road rage at the driver who just cut you up, as a screaming match with your partner, as an altercation with your children, or multiple other mild or harsh scenarios. (1)
Of course, we all know that anger can be detrimental.
Physical violence, verbal abuse, screaming or hitting things, high stress, a lack of judgment – anger has multiple disadvantages. Whenever the effects of anger are directed in violence towards others or one’s self, anger is undesirable.
But does it have any advantages? I think it does. I think anger comes in handy as a means of protection.
Anger can help you become a better person and can be a force of positive change. It allows us to see our flaws and limitations. When seen positively, this can lead to positive results.
It can lead to self-change in the same way that motivation might. That being said, it is better to find a vehicle that is not another person to channel your anger.
This is much more conducive to inner peace than keeping anger pent up inside or directing it at others.
WHY DOES ONE FEEL ANGRY?
When you are emotionally upset, threatened, in pain, or in a conflict, you may become enraged.
Anger can be used to mask other emotions we don't want to deal with, such as emotional anguish, fear, loneliness, or loss. Anger becomes a secondary emotion in these situations.
Anger can be a reaction to physical pain, fear, or to protect yourself from a perceived attack. It can also be a reaction to a frustrating situation.
Anger is frequently triggered by a factor that can be rational or irrational. People feel angry when they are:
- Dealing with the loss of a loved one
- Losing a job
- Going through a breakup
- Failing to complete a task or a job
- Being exhausted
- Having an accident or contracting a disease that causes physical alterations in your body (for example, losing your sight or your ability to walk)
Anger can also be a sign or symptom of a medical problem. Anger can be a sign of depression, substance addiction, ADHD, or bipolar disease, among other things.
Your background influences your angry reactions as well. If you weren't taught how to express anger properly, for example, your emotions could simmer and make you miserable, or they could pile up until you explode in an angry outburst. (3)
It is better to stop one’s self from getting angry in the first place rather than making amends after getting angry. This is no easy task but a challenge.
One of the best ways to conquer this challenge is through a practice called ‘inner work’ that is part of The Journey program; The Journey is an incredible program to release deep-rooted anger.
In Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), the same exercise, taught during EFT Training, is called ‘Personal Peace’; EFT Tapping is the ideal tool to manage anger on a day-to-day basis. These are one of the best anger management procedures I have come across.
What is eft Tapping?
EFT Tapping is a method that offers healing from physical and emotional pain. Without the use of needles, this form of acupuncture uses the fingertips to stimulate energy points on the body.
To learn EFT Tapping as a self-help tool or to work professionally with others, the best way is to attend EFT Practitioner Training.
This treatment sprang from the idea that “the cause of all negative emotions is the disruption of the body's energy system”. (2)
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Emotional Freedom Techniques (Tapping) is clinically proven to lower stress, tension, anxiety, past trauma to enable health, happiness and vitality.
Personal Peace Process FOR ANGER with eft tapping
In this exercise, you pick an issue unrelated to anger each day. Begin by concentrating on the issue and use the "Tapping process" to heal the emotional blocks that lead to the problem in the first place.
By releasing these inhibitions, you reduce your requirement for attention and importance. You give up your expectations of people acknowledging that you are special or significant, and thus the only person you need to please is yourself.
When you lose your expectations, the necessity for anger subsides automatically. Eventually, by healing one issue a day, you heal enough emotional limitations to be able to manage your anger better.
I have gotten angry many times. I am not proud of it. In the past, I have been angry at those closest to me – my mother, my friends, and my team. Each time, I would judge myself and feel guilty. Each time I regretted it.
But the good thing about regret is that it pushes me to go back to completing the Inner Work/Personal Peace. It is like peeling away an onion, making peace with each layer of your frustration, irritation, and anger.
I notice that at the moments when I love and accept all of me wholeheartedly, there is no place for anger. When I am not held back by my emotions; I can handle any situation without expressing anger, irrespective of the opposite person’s behaviour or of trying circumstances. I can honour myself.
“Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.”
Maya Angelou
What Can You Do With Other's Anger?
Match And Mirror
When you’re in conflict with someone and are confronted in person, try to respectfully mirror your angry opponent.
Mirror their hand actions, their facial expressions, their posture, their tone, their volume, and all other gestures and non-verbal communication
Very often, an angry individual tries to dominate those with whom they are talking. But mirroring will allow you to establish a rapport.
It will put the both of you on a similar footing. This will break the imbalance and you will be in a better position to influence them positively.
Be careful what you say
Have you ever told someone to “calm down” when they’re in a rage?
Don’t they flare up manifold? Studies show that when angry, people tend to be more rebellious (1). The individual’s judgement is suspended and they develop an aversion to obedience.
Thus, if you command them or demand them to do something, their instinctive reaction will be to defy you, to do exactly the opposite of what you say.
However, if you are able to speak carefully with tact and understanding it can diffuse even the most caustic interactions.
When talking to direly angry people, always use your words carefully. You can learn more about our Neuro-Linguistic Programming course that’ll help you communicate effectively with angry, even unresponsive people.
Understand where they are coming from
Resist the temptation to get triggered by another person’s anger and maintain your balance.
Remain in control, stay composed, and be calm. Take a moment to reflect that they are probably just triggered, hurt, upset, or feeling let down.
Their projection is a defence mechanism and a cry for help.
At that moment, have compassion for them and understand that they are just reacting; it is not about you. In the words of Wayne Dyer, “How I react to you is my Karma and how you react to me, is your Karma."
Be strong within yourself
Remember that anger is not about you.
It's about the person in whom the anger resides and their feelings. Do not resort to self-blame and guilt. Stay strong in yourself.
Detach yourself from negativity
When you feel intimidated by the individual’s anger, imagine a circle of protection around you. Now, picture even a circle of protection around them.
This is your ‘Infinity Loop’.
What Can You Do When You Get Angry?
Unresolved anger is linked to illness. So better out than in.
1.
Find the cause of your anger
It may be caused by frustration, loneliness, exhaustion and fatigue, hunger, or even helplessness.
In my private practice, I frequently find that hurt (a feeling of being let down) perfectionism and failed expectations are at the root of anger.
Anger is just a defence mechanism to protect oneself. It's like an inner flight and fight response to feeling threatened.
Only after you’ve found the reason for your anger, you can work towards uprooting it by solving its core.
2.
Find a quiet space and do the following Tapping exercise
It may be caused by frustration, loneliness, exhaustion and fatigue, hunger, or even helplessness.
In my private practice, I frequently find that hurt, a feeling of being let down, perfectionism and failed expectations are at the root of anger.
Anger is just a defence mechanism to protect oneself. It's like an inner flight and fight response to feeling threatened.
Only after you’ve found the reason for your anger, you can work towards uprooting it by solving its core.
Another great way to release anger and to increase energy level is the Tantrum Tapping process, which is another powerful technique to release anger. This is a wonderful exercise to teach children and co-workers and has proven to be life-saving.
When someone does us damage or offends us, we frequently react with anger. It's quite normal to be angry under stressful situations, and you shouldn't feel bad about it.
You may find that you will encounter new annoyances at new phases of life - such as pet peeves or annoying tendencies regarding others. You'll lose your patience in new and unusual ways.
All of this is predictable and normal. Is it, however, acceptable to hold on to your anger?
Deal with your anger in the right way, visualise it leaving your body, and then focus on the positive feelings and thoughts that make your life pretty. Look more into good things.
Anger is so powerful, and it's so easy to become consumed by it, obsessing on it until you can't think of anything else.
Controlling anger can be a lengthy and difficult process, so extra patience and compassion for yourself are essential.
Love,
Dr Rangana Rupavi Choudhuri (PhD)
P.S. Want to discover if EFT Tapping is right for you? Book a Complimentary Discovery Call.
How To Self-Heal & Become An EFT Practitioner
Discover how EFT Tapping can help you to self-heal or to become professionally qualified as a Certified EFT Practitioner. Emotional Freedom Techniques (Tapping) is clinically proven to lower stress, tension, anxiety, past trauma to enable health, happiness and vitality.
In summary, anger is difficult to control…but not impossible! The power to defeat anger is within you, and with the above tips, you can harness this strength. EFT Tapping for anger lets you keep your anger issues in control and live a peaceful life.
Don’t burn, start your journey to set yourself free from anger!
References:
Disclaimer: The information on this website is purely for educational purposes and does not in any way replace the requirement for medical and psychological diagnosis and treatment. Please seek professional medical and psychological diagnosis and advice for all medical and mental health conditions. It is advised to always book any consultations with qualified professionals.
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